Dear friends,
Last Thursday was Children’s Grief Awareness Day. This coming Thursday is Thanksgiving. The next few days fall right in between grief and gratitude, and I know that for many Christians, this is familiar territory.
Grief comes to us for all kinds of reasons. It can be experienced because of a death, the loss of a relationship, a tragic health diagnosis, or even because something has been stripped away that was hoped for or expected. How do we practice gratitude when waves of hurt and loss are rolling over us? How do we give thanks when there’s an empty chair at the table? How do we say thanks when we don’t feel grateful?
Two Articles, Two Truths
This past week, my friend (and fellow Toccoa Falls College alum) Michelle Bates shared her story of loss and how parents can help children who are grieving at the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission site. Around the same time, Clarissa Moll wrote for The Gospel Coalition on how children’s ministries can help kids grieve.
I won’t fully re-cap the articles here, but I did notice two key truths that both highlighted:
First, the Bible acknowledges our grief. In Psalm 88:3–4, the psalmist says, “I am overwhelmed with troubles and my life draws near to death… I am like one without strength.” He doesn’t gloss over or deny his pain. No, he shoots straight about his expriece of darkness, and we can as well. As Bates writes, “My kids need to know that I struggle… It is beneficial for our children to see us grieve, whether it’s the loss of a marriage, a job, a house, a friendship, or a parent or sibling diagnosed with COVID-19. It is okay for our children to see us cry, to see us struggle, and to see us wrestle with God. It’s okay for them to see us wonder and ask why.” There may be a time to put on a brave face, but there must also be times to feel our sadness and share it honestly.
Second, in the pain, God’s faithfulness to save is our comfort. Psalm 88 shares deep grief; the psalm ends with the lament that “darkness is my only friend,” but that’s not where the psalm begins. It starts with a cry to heaven for help. “Lord, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you” (v. 1) The psalmist knows that our only hope comes from God’s presence and healing work. Moll observes, “As adults, we know that questions about loss often can’t be answered, but God invites us to bring all of our grief to him anyway… [When we bring our griefs to God in prayer], we teach children that communion with God is more than transactional, that we find solace in communicating with God even when life confounds us.”
Two Big Questions
Reflecting on those two truths reminds me of the Heidelberg catechism—an old evangelical treatise written to teach big truths about God to new Christian converts. Other catechisms begin with questions about humanity’s purpose—or chief end—but this catechism begins with our great brokenness and need.
Its first question asks, “What is your only comfort in life and death?” The answer:
That I am not my own, but belong with body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from all the power of the devil. He also preserves me in such a way that without the will of my heavenly Father not a hair can fall from my head; indeed, all things must work together for my salvation. Therefore, by his Holy Spirit he also assures me of eternal life and makes me heartily willing and ready from now on to live for him.
Heidelberg’s beautiful word of comfort doesn’t answer all of our why questions; even with these truths, our griefs and suffering often remain confounding. But the answer does acknowledge the ultimate causes of our misery: sin and Satan. And in the face of these great enemies, the catechism offers us assurance: When we face the hardest parts of life—and even when we face death itself—Christians can find comfort in the truth that their lives belong to God.
Though we may not be able to trace what God is doing in our immediate circumstances, the fact that our faithful Savior has paid our sin-debt and has ransomed our lives from the devil gives us confidence that his purposes—however mysterious—are still good. In the end, all things will work together for our salvation.
With this objective reality in mind, Heidelberg’s second question asks, “What do you need to know in order to die in the joy of this comfort?” There are three answers:
First, how great my sins and misery are. Second, how I am delivered from all my sins and misery. Third, how I am to be thankful to God for such deliverance.
As Christians, we can come to God with the pain and misery of our losses. And as Bates writes, “We have comfort in our grief—the One who knows it best… He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isa. 53:3a).”
Jesus experienced grief when he took the Father’s wrath for our sins on the cross. And because he knows and meets us in our grief, sin, and misery, we can choose gratitude. We do not give thanks for the evil and loss we’ve experienced, but even when the feeling of gratitude of is not there, we say thank you to the Savior who is faithful to meet us in our pain.
Gospel-Centered Family’s mission is to help parents and church leaders share Jesus with the next generation. This week, we’re highlighting Advent resources as well as our upcoming Student Ministry Leadership Cohort.
Because Jesus was born at Christmas, we can know that he is with us always. Jesus Came for Me is a board book that helps toddlers and preschoolers understand the true meaning of Christmas in a personal, memorable way. And if you’re looking for more resources, check out these lists of Advent devotionals that I’ve put together in the past:
Register now for the January 2022 Student Ministry Leadership cohort which kicks off on Thursday, January 27, 2022. You will learn a gospel-centered philosophy for student discipleship that will help you to strategically lead students and families with awareness and courage. This cohort will help you to think about youth culture and your local church context. You’ll also learn how to plan events, create a student ministry handbook, how to care for your own soul while in ministry, and how to care for students and parents in crisis. The cost for this coaching cohort includes three books and weekly video conference calls over the course of eleven weeks. The cohort is led by Zach Cochran, Kendal Conner, and John Williams. Click here for more information and to register.
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